On a Ledge

So two day ago I found myself waiting for a train to get back to SLU after a cardinals’ game.  I was suddenly reminded of almost exactly 4 years ago when I was waiting at a BART station to catch a train to the airport for a student ambassador trip. At this point in life I was 14 and still incredibly depressed from the death of my grandmother and the fallout that seemed to consume my family.  In that moment, staring at the tracks, I remember playing with the idea of how easy it would be to simply step off as a train was coming.  I think I was just looking for a way to end the darkness and depression that was creating a hole inside me. But as I looked at my family, I knew I couldn’t possibly leave them to contemplate the mess I had kept hidden in my mind.

Standing on that ledge in St. Louis made me think back to that day and filled me with so much joy I can’t possibly explain it.  God truly has had his hand on my life from the very beginning and I can never thank him enough.  I want to go wherever he leads me and do whatever he asks of me just for the possibility of giving someone else that moment of joy.

Psalm 116

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
11 in my alarm I said,
    “Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people…